Ramblings on motivation

 I'm determined to do it this time. I'm going to shed the nearly 30 extra pounds on me. 
What makes this time different?

It has become more painful not to lose the weight. More painful to soothe with food than to just muscle through and not eat snacks / desserts until the weight is off. 

Emotionally, I hate the way I look. I dont want hate any part of me anymore. Maybe it's turning 50. 
The binge eating causes me to lie to myself about what I "can eat". I make excuses. This is not who I want to be. 

Physically, I feel sick when I eat too much. Not just that day but for the whole next day. As time goes by,  it will be longer and longer. It's uncomfortable. I feel like a water balloon most of the time. 

I have to learn how to live without the extras for the next six months or more. This may mean salad for Thanksgiving lunch. And only having one Christmas cookie each day. 

But isn't that the way really, it should be?

Living a life of excess has gotten me to an unhappy place.
A life of Moderation must be chosen and lived. 

I know how to do it, it's motivation not to backslide that I need. 

Here are my aspirations:

To sleep on my tummy
To wake up with a happy tummy, and un-creaky hips, knees, back, and ankles
To look in the mirror and not cringe but be proud of myself.
To shop for and wear pretty new clothes. 
To do well and be happy with what I can do in martial arts. 
To not live in fear of the summer where I might be expected to wear a bathing suit
To not feel jealous when I see women who are fit and trim
To build new habits where old habits die. 
To have the energy to hike in the woods for long walks, or go sight seeing with friends
To have the energy to garden for more than an hour, and dig up thick roots
To be discerning about what I eat, so that I only eat what is worth the calories

Now to get the stapler and affix this to my forehead, with copies in the kitchen!

--Vicky